Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
