Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
