I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
