I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
