i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
