He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
