I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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