I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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