he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
