we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
