Betty ford says i'm here all night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
