I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize