Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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