it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
