I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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