i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My dick has a subreddit
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
