yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
