I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
did i walk over a car last night?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
