the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
