I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm at about main and main street
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
