You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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