you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
