Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
