I think i peed on brittanys purse
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
