This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
