Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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