is your mom at the bar?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
