when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There's always time for handjobs
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
