I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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