i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
