this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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