You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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