I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i am craving dick and cupcakes
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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