Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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