here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i drank out of a bidet.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
