if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
