So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
