I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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