WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize
