You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
