just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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