Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
