dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
