he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Rumble strips road head = magical
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Randomize
