Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
