Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
