i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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