bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
