somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
A+ Viking dick
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
