Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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